BULLY PREVENTION
Gregory A. Peddle - Assistant Principal

Most bullying involves three parties, not two as commonly thought. Typically, people think only of the bully and his/her victim (target). Often overlooked is the party of the greatest number and, therefore, the greatest significance. Without this third party most bullying would not take place. In fact, most bullying occurs because of the presence of this third party. That doesn’t mean the third party is necessarily to blame for the act of bullying, but it does underscore the point that this third party is possessed with a lot of power to reduce the level and/or number of incidents of bullying if not prevent it entirely. Who is this third party?

It is the bystander. The bystander is the witness. The bystander is the audience for whom the bully is performing. How many theatrical performances are performed in an empty theater? Excluding rehearsals, none. Why do actors perform in front of an audience? They seek applause, recognition, and approval.. All of this comes from the audience, the spectators, or in the case of bullying-the bystander. In any performance, whether dramatic or athletic, the audience or spectators far outnumber the actors on the stage or the players on the field. It is the same with bullying. The bystanders usually outnumber the participants in a bullying incident. Remove the audience or the reason for the performance and the performance will cease. The players draw their support or energy from the cheers of the fans; the actors draw their energy from the applause of those in attendance. The bully draws his (for simplicity’s sake I will use male pronouns generically) strength from the bystander(s).Thus, when examined more closely we see that the main player in this act is not the bully or even the targeted victim; it is the bystander.

In a survey conducted among the entire 7th grade at South High in 2003-04, students were asked if they had ever been a bully, target, or bystander? The smallest percentage admitted to having been a bully, substantially more admitted to having been a target of bullying, but just about everyone admitted to having been a bystander at least once. The most successful approach to “bully prevention” is to focus on the factor with the greatest potential for the broadest impact on the phenomenon. By sheer numbers the bystander looms as the factor in the bullying equation that deserves the most attention and focus.

Why does so much bullying take place? There are many explanations having to do with the needs of the bully. There are other explanations having to do with the “target”. These will be addressed later. Right now we’ll look at the role of the bystander and how that accounts for much of the bullying that takes place.

Much bullying takes place because of the behavior (or lack of behavior) of the bystander. What the bystander does or doesn’t do can have a major impact on the direction the bullying takes or the sequence of actions after the initial confrontation.
There are two major bystander causes which contribute to the level and number of bullying incidents which occur: complicity and passivity.

Complicity is simply partnership in wrongdoing. A bully among friends singles out a target and the friends follow the bully’s lead becoming his/her accomplice. In effect they become bully tag-alongs. Without the bully’s lead, more than likely they would not have initiated this incident. Why are they complicit or compliant? For one thing they are followers. If the bully had welcomed the target into his company, his friends would have followed that lead as well. But that still leaves unanswered the question why they follow the bully?

One reason is simply fear. Because of the bully’s dominant personality (often a mask for insecurity which will be discussed later), his bystander friends (for their own reasons of insecurity) defer to his judgment and decisions. Rather than oppose the bully’s actions and risk criticism for non-support, the bystander friend either quietly “stands by” during the bullying or more actively demonstrates support for his bully-friend by participating in the bullying. The bystander’s passivity is self-serving. He is exhibiting a public, though misguided, loyalty to a friend engaged in reprehensible behavior. In reality, it’s more often self-protection. By demonstrating what overtly resembles a fealty to a leader, the follower often insulates himself from becoming the selected target. The follower serves the bully by passively or actively supporting the bully’s quest for dominance. This “servant” meekly tags along and supports the bully’s actions with self-serving flattery or laughter at the target’s expense. Together, the bystander/follower and the bully meet each other’s need rooted in cowardice and camouflaged as strength.

A second explanation of the bystander’s passive support of the bully is often more directly related to peer pressure; it is heretical to take action against a fellow student when it is perceived as supportive of the school’s authorities and their efforts. This attitude is a byproduct of adolescent culture which traditionally (and naturally) rebels (actively or passively) against adult supervision of any kind.

Another reason why bystanders follow a bully’s lead is status. By aligning himself with the bully the bystander also feels more powerful and feared by association. The follower is often one who enjoys little respect, acknowledgement, or positive reinforcement from others. He is one who typically would otherwise go through school unnoticed and ignored by others. The bystander who follows the bully’s lead lacks ego due to a lack of positive feedback from others. More often than not he leads a fairly unremarkable life unaffiliated with any positive school organization. Thus, the opportunity of recognition, ego, and power from the bully is too seductive to resist. Anonymity and invisibility are replaced by fame (or more accurately infamy) and fearful respect. But the bystander/follower’s strength is not self-generated; it depends on the power and whim of the bully. If the bully finds support elsewhere, the bystander/follower’s fragile status is jeopardized. If the bully no longer needs the follower, the follower becomes a candidate for targeting. So goes the uncertain fate of a weakling who surrenders his conscience to another.

That “other” now deserves our attention. Much literature has been written devoted to the psychological makeup and motivations of the “bully”. Often, the bully, whether it be a male or a “queen bee” among “wannabees,” is one who seeks attention, status, recognition, and acceptance from peers. Sounds pretty much like everyone, doesn’t it? In many ways the bully is like us. He has the same emotional, social, and psychological needs of anyone else: the need to be liked, loved, appreciated, acknowledged, and important. Therein lies the key to dealing with most bullies (excluding those with severe psychological or sociopathic issues). Most bullies are normal people like the rest of us who have more similarities with us than differences. Most are going through a phase (usually heightened in early adolescence) which tends to wane as they age and establish an identity with which they (and others) feel more comfortable. They differ not in their needs but in the antisocial manner to which they resort to meet those normal needs. In many cases the bully’s behavior is not so much a sign of strength as it is a sign of hurt, insecurity, worry, or fear.

The need to control, influence, or dominate frequently masks the bully’s feeling of powerlessness in other settings.` Bullies often target others to prevent themselves from being targeted. The literature says that violence is a learned behavior. Babies are not born bullies. They become bullies. They learn to be bullies. How?As victims themselves.They imitate the behavior from which they have suffered and inflict it on others. The thinking is that it is better to give than to receive. The sources of this destructive learning and the subsequent mind-set are too numerous to mention. Suffice it to say that there is enough blame to go all around: media, home, and school. Children are a product of all the influences to which they are exposed. More effort must be devoted to increasing the positive forces that affect our children.

The third factor in the bullying equation is the unfortunate victim or “target”. Victims are targeted for a variety of reasons some of which have already been mentioned. Sometimes, however, the targeting can be a result of the victim’s inadvertent or conscious actions. This is not to suggest that the victim is to blame for bullying. Yet, sometimes an individual’s actions (intentional or otherwise) can enable the bully to act or contribute to the sequence of events. Preventive measures are always better than reactive tactics. If one can take action to avoid being targeted in the first place it spares the individual from all of the stress and possible implications of trying to counter bullying after the fact.

Adolescence is characterized by a need to establish personal identity via increasing separation from authority as well as a desire to “fit in” with peers. This “yin and yang” can breed conflict and confusion in a teen’s psyche. Simultaneously, teens want to be unique as well as alike. Teenagers place a premium on belonging to something or being accepted by someone, preferably a peer. At the same time, many adolescents are struggling consciously or subconsciously to distance themselves from their parents, teachers, and other authority figures. Frequently, these efforts are mutually reinforcing. The literature is supported by my professional experience. For the most part this dichotomy is a normal and predictable character development for the age group.

So what are the implications of this characterization in the bullying dynamic for the victim or “target”? As Shakespeare said, “Discretion is the better part of valor.” It is better to try to avoid situations, settings, or people associated with greater risk.By placing himself in a location at a specific time or by associating with people engaged in morally or ethically questionable activities, a teen increases his vulnerability significantly. Sometimes, the simple act of taking a different route, or changing one’s patterns or contacts can reduce the chances of being bullied or confronted. Should the “target” have to change his route? No. Is it practical and safer to do so? Yes! The “target” needs to exert the control he has by removing or reducing the opportunities for bullies to act out against him.

No method is foolproof but there is merit in adaptability and resourcefulness. If the aforementioned tactic is unsuccessful, “extinction” might work. If the bully’s initial action is minor (carrying no threat of harm or damage), by ignoring the negative comment or tease the target can extinguish the behavior. This works if the bully is acting randomly and cavalierly with no focus on a specific individual. The motive might be based more on gaining laughter from an audience as opposed to belittling the specific target. In other words, for the bully the “target” is secondary to the bully’s own fragile ego questing for acceptance and/or support. By ignoring a solitary minor critical comment and absenting the scene, the “target” extinguishes the incident. Sometimes.

When “extinction” is not successful and the bullying evolves beyond an isolated incident into a pattern of abuse, the “target” can again draw wisdom from Shakespeare:

“ The robb’d who smiles steals something from the thief.”

In this brief bit of truth Shakespeare encapsulates the power of a smile. When we can laugh at ourselves or at critical comments directed at us, we can often break the tension of the moment. In doing so, we also make impotent the bully’s effort to put us down. By laughing, we demonstrate for all (even if it’s pretense) that we are bigger than the insult. We are not diminished by the bully’s attempt to reduce us. In effect, the “target” (the one whose dignity or self-worth the bully is trying to “rob”) turns the tables on the bully; the bully’s weapon becomes the “target’s” armor. The intended victim triumphs by reducing the insult or put down to a harmless little joke. By smiling, the intended victim “steals” from the bully the satisfaction he was trying to gain at the victim’s expense. The joke is on the bully. His words fail. He is disarmed

In a sense, by laughing along with the bully and his audience, the “target” joins his antagonists. Frequently, this tactic defuses the situation, proves and demonstrates the ineffectiveness of this bullying tactic with this intended victim, and creates a perception that by laughing at himself this “target” has a sense of humor. Ironically, it can even endear the “target” to the bully. Sometimes.

When none of the previously mentioned tactics work, some would argue that confrontation is necessary. My experience shows that not only is this tactic not guaranteed to work, but it could result in dire consequences: escalation and intensification of the problem, serious injury to one or both parties, reciprocal civil and/or criminal lawsuits, school consequences (suspension, removal from extracurricular and athletic programs, prevention of admission to or removal from an honor society or class office), and all of the associated inconvenience and stress.

Rather, if personal tactics and resources are inadequate to stop the bullying, the “target” should get support from responsible adults: parents, teachers, counselors, psychologists, social workers, administrators, clergy, and, if necessary, police. Any one or more of these can help either individually or in concert. At South High each office has a “Help Box” which students can use to inform staff of issues which can then be addressed discreetly. The objective must always be to end the bullying in a way that poses no risk to any of those in the situation. School counseling personnel seek resolution and mediation through peacemaking and understanding. If that is unsuccessful, then they enlist administration and parents to enforce the termination of the bullying.